


What Matters

by timeladyinthelibrary



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2592236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyinthelibrary/pseuds/timeladyinthelibrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean get an unexpected phonecall- something has happened to Cas. Dean feels guilty, since he's the one who sent Cas away after something had happened between them. But now he has a second change to set things right. Destiel! Sad at first, then FLUFF. Please review :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part of this is vaguely based on this adorable tweet: https://twitter.com/_DemonDean/status/520239156258013185
> 
> And yes, there's a Fall Out Boy lyric somewhere. Came up with this during work which was stressful 'cause I couldn't write it down immediately, but I managed! I hope you enjoy this, please let me know if you have any comments or suggestions or prompts :)

“Dean, I’m not going to participate in your unhealthy dinner preferences-“  
Sam never got to finish his sentence, because at that moment Smoke On The Water started to play out of Dean’s pocket. He shot his younger brother a smug grin, and picked up the phone.   
“Hello?” Sam gave him his bitch-face, but Dean just laughed.

They were on a hunt in Kansas, not very far from the bunker, but far enough to take a motel rather than drive back and forth every day. The motel sucked, especially in comparison with their home, but after a lifetime of hunting, it was something you could get used to. 

“Is- Is this Dean Winchester?” A male voice came through the speakers. Dean frowned, not recognizing it.   
“Who is this?”   
“It’s- It’s the Springview Hospital, Nebraska. Is this Dean Winchester? I’m looking for Dean Winchester.”  
Sam mouthed a “Who is it?” at Dean, but he put up his hand and walked slowly towards his motel bed, turning his back on Sam. 

Dean sat down on the crappy mattress –he missed his memory foam- and continued his confusing call.

“Why are you calling?”  
The young man on the other side of the line sounded nervous. “Um. We’re looking for Dean Winchester.”   
Dean rolled his eyes, ready to interject, but then the man continued. “A friend of his came in here today. I had to call this number?” He sounded unsure, and Dean wondered if he was new at his job. 

“Yeah, you got me. What friend?” Dean had gotten up again, and was now pacing around their small room. Sam was still trying to catch his attention, but he ignored him. No cheeseburgers, no information.   
“Um. His ID card says ‘Castiel Novak’?” The man coughed. “Um. Yeah. He was brought in today, and we found your number in his wallet.”  
Dean had frozen, the hand that was about to grab a beer floating in mid-air. 

“Castie- Cas? Is- Is he okay?” He held his breath, biting his bottom lip nervously. Sam looked alarmed and opened his mouth to say something, but Dean raised his hand as if to stop him.  
“Um. We- we don’t know. Yet. He came in this afternoon, he's wounded pretty badly- frontal car accident. According to the driver- who's fine, by the way, he stood in the middle of the road- trying to pick up a hedgehog?"   
Dean felt as if someone had squeezed all the air out of his lungs. He tried to gasp for breath, but he couldn't move. Sam was now standing in front of him, speaking softly, looking worried, but Dean didn't recognise any of it. It was as if the world had stopped spinning, and someone had sucked all the sound out of the room. The man on the other end of the phone continued, and his voice was the only thing that came through for Dean.   
"Well, yeah. Middle of the road. So the driver didn't see him in time and hit him. Full force."  
No. Cas. No. Dean felt like he was hit at full force too, and was now stuck in the momentum between cause and aftermath. His hands began to shake.  
"Um- several broken bones. Oh, and it wasn't a hedgehog- it was a pinecone? I don’t know. But. Um. Internal bleedings, fractured hip... Probably a concussion? We don't know yet, he hasn't woken up... Comatose, they say. "  
Dean realised too late he had dropped the phone. Cas hadn’t-  
"Hello? Sir?"   
He wasn’t-  
Dean fell to his knees, still unable to speak, unable to move. Cas.  
"Yes. Hello. I'm sorry, my brother's- not feeling well."   
Sam had picked up the phone.  
"Yes. Um, Sam Winchester. Yeah, Cas' a very close family friend- what? I’m sorry sir, could you please repeat what you just told my brother?"  
Dean was now breathing heavily, his eyes firmly closed, face pressing into the dirty motel room rug. Cas. This was Dean's fault. All his fault. Again.  
"Cas. Come 'ere."

Dean's hands became fists, trying to find something to hold onto, but finding nothing but ragged fabric.  
"Okay. Yes, I understand."  
Sam was pacing their motel room, roughly putting clothes and paperwork in their duffel bags with one hand, holding the phone with the other.  
"We'll be on our way. Please let us know if anything happens. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Bye."   
Sam hung up and kneeled at Dean’s side, who was still lying in the floor, breathing heavily, nostrils flared, eyes shut closed.   
"Dean. Get up. We're leaving. We’re going to Cas, Dean."  
Dean looked up, his expression blank. Sam tried not to show it, but the truth was- his brother was scaring him. Of course, he was shocked by the news too, but they needed to move now. Cas needed them.   
"Dean. We can be there by midnight. Come on."  
Sam gently put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, pulling him up, and the physical touch seemed to reach Dean. He got up, his whole body shaking violently, and tried to grab the Impala keys from the table. Sam snatched them away.   
"No way. You're not driving like this." Dean just stared at him, same expressionless look on his face.   
"Okay." Sam swallowed and picked up their bags. "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

They had been driving for two hours in silence. Sam kept shooting looks at Dean, who was sitting next to him, as apathetic as before. Every now and then Sam tried to say something reassuring, like “He’ll be fine,” “We’re almost there,” or “It’ll be okay, Dean,” but he got no reaction whatsoever out of his brother.   
When Sam had seen the red light too late and hit the brakes way too hard, Dean hadn’t even mentioned it.   
After a while he had just closed his eyes, head leaning against the cold window.   
They had only about half an hour to go when Sam snapped. He pulled over to the side of the road and shut the engine down. Dean got up, confused.   
“What are you doing?” He frowned.   
“Oh, so now you’re talking?” Sam looked incredulous- but above all, annoyed. He turned in his seat. “What the hell, Dean. I’m scared for Cas too- a little help here would be nice!”  
Dean sat up a little straighter now, brow furrowed and an angry twitch on his lips.   
“A little help?” Dean raised his voice. “I have no freaking clue what to do! Cas is dying for all we know and it’s not your fault he’s in this goddamn situation, so don’t you dare say to me how I should behave right now!” He slammed his hand on the dashboard, startling the both of them.   
“Dean, it’s-“ Sam started, his voice softening.   
“It is. You don’t know. Now drive.” Dean interjected. He didn’t sound angry anymore- he just sounded empty.   
Sam started the Impala once again.   
“Why’d Cas leave, Dean?” 

The question had been bothering him for days. Ever since Cas had become human they had teamed up together. Things had been going fine, until last week. Sam had went for a run to the grocery store, leaving his brother and Cas on their own, but when he’d come back, only Dean had been in their motel room.   
“Where’s Cas?” Sam dumped their groceries, mainly beer, on the small Formica table, kicking the door shut with his foot. “He’s still in town?”  
“He left.” Dean was lying on his bed, back turned to Sam.   
Sam stopped taking off his coat and stared at his brother.   
“What? Why?”   
Dean rolled over and Sam was surprised by the blank look in his face. He knew his brother, though, and saw that behind Dean’s eyes a small apocalypse was happening.   
“He wanted to be alone for a while, okay? Now shut up about it. Hand me a beer. Cas left.” Dean kept his voice flat as he responded, but he couldn’t quite hide the small tremble at the end. He closed his eyes again, breathing out heavily, laying back on his bed. 

Sam knew there was more to this story, but he also knew Dean wasn’t going to tell him anything, so that night when Dean was in the shower, he called Cas.  
“Cas?”  
Sam heard the sound of cars passing by- was Cas near a highway? Did Dean even drop him a bus station?  
It stayed quiet for a while, but then Cas answered him.  
“Sam?” He sounded tired, but Sam immediately heard the spark of hope in his voice. What the hell had Dean done?  
“Yeah. Hey, I got back here this afternoon and Dean told my you’d left- why? Is everything okay?”  
It stayed quiet again, and Sam heard the honk of truck passing by in the distance.   
“Yes. I’m fine. We- I decided I wanted to be alone, so… I left.” He sighed.  
“Alone? But, Cas- where are you? You could’ve just gone back to the bunker.”   
“No, really, Sam, it’s okay- please- please don’t bother Dean with this, okay? Please. I’m at a gas station next to a highway- I’ve found a hunt nearby. I got the fake credit card you gave me. It’s fine.” Cas tried to sound reassuring, but he didn’t do a very good job.  
“But, Cas- you’ll come back, right?” Sam then realised the shower had turned off a while ago, and he shot a glance at their bathroom door. It was still closed.   
“Sam… I got to go. I’ll be fine, really. Just- I need time, okay? I’ll call you.  
Sam wanted to say more, but then the door flew open and Dean got into the room.   
“Who’re you calling?” He asked Sam.  
Cas muttered something Sam couldn’t understand and hung up. Sam sighed and dropped his phone on the table.  
“Wrong number. Never mind.”

Sam had tried to ask Dean more about Cas’ disappearance several times after that day, but each time Dean had acted annoyed- a little angry, even, and Sam had decided to let it go. He’d sent Cas several texts to check in on him, just to make sure he was okay, but had only gotten short responses, mainly “Yes’” and “No’s”.   
But now they were in this situation, where Cas was heavily injured in a hospital, and Dean couldn’t tiptoe around the subject anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

“Why’d Cas leave, Dean?”   
Dean had known the question was coming, but it still hit him like a train, ‘cause Cas had left and now he was hurt and it was all Dean’s fault.   
He turned his head away from Sam, looking out into the night. Dean closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the cool window, his breath leaving fog on the glass. His mind went back to the week before. 

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” Dean lay on his motel bed, bored out of his mind. Sam had left to go shopping, leaving him and Cas behind. They had just finished a hunt, a simple ghost-gone-wild Salt and Burn one, but had decided to stay in town for another night. The bunker was pretty far away, and Dean didn’t want to make the long drive so soon after finishing this.   
Sam had offered to go get beer for tonight, figuring they all deserved a little treat. Dean and Cas had stayed. Cas was reading the local newspapers, scanning for weird deaths, but Dean felt itchy. He wanted to do something, but at the same time he wanted to just lie on the bed. He needed a distraction. 

Cas looked up. “Hm?”  
“You wanna watch a movie? Those papers won’t walk away.”   
Cas squinted his eyes a little, probably picturing a newspaper with tiny legs, but then shrugged.  
“Okay. What movie?”  
Dean got up, resting on his elbows. “Dunno. We’ll see if something’s on.” He pointed at the TV that hung above his bed and reached for the remote.   
Cas stood awkwardly next to Dean’s bed, shifting on his feet.  
“Cas.” Dean said, not moving his eyes of the screen as he changed channels. “You can sit next to me, you know.”   
“Yeah. Sorry. Yes.” Cas blurted, and Dean moved a little on the bed so Cas could sit beside him. The mattress dipped as he sat down, holding his back straight, arms and legs laying stiffly. 

“Dude.” Dean stopped to look at Cas. “Relax.” He gave him a nod and Cas flushed red, but he did let his body lie back more comfortable. 

Dean acted cocky, mocking his friend, but the truth was- he knew how Cas felt. There had always been… something between them, but Dean Winchester wasn’t one to sit back and figure it out. But now Cas was human, and with him and Sam nearly all the time, there had been a lot of small things about Cas that made Dean feel different. 

Maybe it was how Cas’ face had lit up when he tasted pie for the first time, or the way he looked in the morning, with his normally perfect angelic hair all tousled and wild, his bright blue eyes squinting sleepily. Maybe it was the way he’d worn Dean’s slightly too big clothes for weeks before they had time to go buy him his own, or how Cas had learned to whistle and did so at the most random times, like when they were in the middle of an investigation. Maybe it was the way Cas cared so much for things that Dean didn’t even notice anymore, like empty beer cans in a forest or a homeless person at the corner of the street. 

All these things made something in Dean’s stomach stir, but he didn’t know if he was ready to let those little sparks come to the surface. So instead he ignored it, acting like the no chick-flick moments womanizer he’d been all his life. So every time their shoulders brushed, or their hands bumped into each other, Dean just shrugged off the pull at his heart that he felt. 

“That one looks interesting.” Cas’ voice tore Dean out his thoughts.   
“What?” On screen a wild life documentary was playing- something about penguins. “Dude? Birds?” Dean couldn’t help but sound incredulous.   
“Only- Only if you want to,” Cas muttered. He looked away from Dean. “I like documentaries. They’re uncomplicated.”   
Unlike you.   
Dean hesitated for a moment, and then dropped the remote. “I’m fine with it. But I might fall asleep- I’m tired as hell.” He lay back into the cushions, relaxing.   
“Me too,” Cas sighed. “I dislike hunting at night.”  
Dean smiled a little, trying to focus on the screen. “Yeah, well, that’s a hunter’s life. Sorry, Cas.” 

The movie continued, but it didn’t take long for Dean to feel the sleep tugging at his eyes. Cas relaxed more and more too and somehow ended snuggled up against Dean’s side, a little hesitant and unsure at first, but when Dean put his arm around Cas, his warm hand resting his back, he felt himself relax, his head resting against his friend’s chest. They breathed in the same rhythm, and though a small voice at the back of Dean’s mind told him he really shouldn’t be doing this, he was too tired to care. 

After a while Dean looked at Cas, to check if was still awake, and something inside him shifted. Cas’ eyes were closed and Dean could feel his warm breath against the fabric of his t-shirt. Cas’ dark brown hair was messy, and somehow he looked younger and less weighed down by his past. 

“Cas.” Dean whispered.  
“Hm?” Cas looked up from his chest, eyes barely open.   
“Come ‘ere.” Dean smiled lazily at him, and put two fingers under Cas’ chin, softly tugging him closer. Cas moved over, ever so slowly, until their noses were nearly touching. Dean was looking a bit cross-eyed at his friend, feeling Cas’ breath on his lips. The whole world was warm and cosy and just okay.   
Cas closed the distance between them, pressing his soft lips against the hunter’s rougher ones, just a small brush. Dean held his breath, holding still for a few seconds, and then cupped Cas’ face with one hand and pulled him even closer for a proper kiss. 

Time seemed to freeze and every thought was smashed out of Dean’s mind, ‘cause damn. Cas could kiss. Cas’ arms were wrapped around Dean’s neck as they rolled over, Cas now underneath Dean. The silence in their room was only interrupted by the sounds of the TV and their breathing, occasionally letting out a soft sigh. Their legs had gotten all tangled up, and Dean’s thumb slowly moved over Cas’ cheek. His lips trailed over the angel’s neck now, causing Cas to let out a soft moan. 

Dean froze, suddenly not so sleepy and comfortable anymore. Roughly, he pushed Cas away and got off the bed. Cas was looking at him wide-eyed, opening his mouth to say something, but Dean interrupted.   
“What the hell?” Cas winced at the angry sound of his voice, but Dean just went on. His cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, but he couldn’t put his fluster into words, so he replaced it with anger.   
“What the hell, Cas! I’m not- I- fuck!” Dean kicked against the bedpost, making Cas flinch.   
“Dean, I-“ Cas got up quickly, looking desperate.   
“No, shut up! Shut up!” Dean yelled. “This is fucking wrong. Fuck!”   
Cas felt so small and he didn’t know what to say. He’d really thought this was what Dean wanted.   
“I’m sorry Dean, I- I’ll leave.”   
“Damn right you are!” Dean growled. Cas quickly started to collect his belongings, stuffing them in his duffel bag.   
Dean kept muttering as he paced around the room, looking more panicked than angry now. 

What the hell had he done? 

“Dean, are you sure- don’t we need to talk about…” Cas voice sounded very small and unsure as he stood next to the door.  
“Yes,” Dean said. “You need to leave.” His voice trembled, but the look on his face was enough to get Cas to open the door and step outside. Dean ran his hands over his face, growling, before walking after Cas.  
“Wait!”   
Cas stopped and looked at Dean, hope shining in his eyes.  
“What do I tell Sam?” He didn’t sound angry anymore, just tired. Out of all the things Dean could’ve said, to make things right between them, those were the lines he came up with. Cas eyes became sad, but he managed to put on a small, bitter smile that destroyed Dean’s heart.  
“Oh, make it easy. Say I never mattered. ”  
He turned around and walked over the motel parking lot, towards the bus stop at the end of the street. Dean wanted to say a million things, but Cas’ last remark had stolen the air out of his lungs and the words out of his mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

So that’s what had happened. But Dean couldn’t tell Sam any of that- he just couldn’t.  
“Dean? Why’d Cas leave?” Sam asked him again.  
Dean sighed, closing his eyes.  
“We kissed.” He said it ever so softly, but Sam heard. He let out a puff of breath.  
“Ah.” Sam sighed. “And you pushed him away?”  
Dean felt a little alarmed by his brother’s reaction. “That’s it?”  
Sam shot him his bitch face. “Dean, please. I’ve known for years, dude. You two are basically drooling all over each other.”  
Dean shuddered. “Gross, man.”  
“Yeah, uh, not as gross as ever present eye sex.” Sam let out a short laugh as Dean punched him in the arm.  
“No, but, Dean… It’s obvious. I think we were all just waiting for you two to find out.”

Dean was quiet for a while.  
“So… you’d be okay with it?”  
“Dean! Of course!” Sam looked at him, a bit hurt. “I’m your brother, man. For what it’s worth- I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re with Cas. You can’t throw that away.”  
“But I screwed up,” Dean said, pain in his voice. “Fuck, Sammy, I screwed up- and now-“ He let out a shaky breath and rested his head against the back of his seat. “Fuck.”

Sam’s look softened. “Hey, Dean… He’ll be alright. Really.”  
“You don’t know that, Sammy,” Dean said with a bitter smile.  
“Cas’ stronger than he looks. He’ll get through. And then you two have some things to talk about.”  
Dean nodded, quickly swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. Sam pretended not to notice.  
“Thanks,” Dean said.  
Sam smiled at him. “Yeah.” He reached for the radio, turning it on to Dean’s favourite channel, and they continued the rest of the ride in silence- but a good one. 

They drove onto the hospital’s parking lot around twenty minutes past midnight. Dean didn’t even wait for Sam to turn of the engine before he jumped out of the car, rushing towards the entrance. The helpdesk lady looked way too cheery for someone with that job at that time, but Dean was thankful for it.  
“Hi. Um. My brother and I are here for our friend, who was brought in today- Castiel Novak?” He nervously bit his lip, and felt Sam squeeze his arm in encouragement.  
“Ah! You must be Dean Winchester. We’ve talked about you during coffee break- your friend’s pretty bad.”  
“Yeah, I know,” Dean mumbled.  
“But he’ll be alright!” She shot him a bright smile. “It’s just, we don’t see accidents like that happen a lot around here. A hedgehog, was it?”  
Sam coughed and Dean interrupted her.  
“Um, yeah. What room?”  
“Oh! Of course! 214, down the hall.” She pointed to their left.  
“Thanks,” Sam said, as Dean had already rushed towards the door. 

Cas’ room was full of machines. They were all making soft beeping noises, keeping track of his heartbeat, his breathing, and a lot of other medical issues Dean had no clue about. All he saw was Cas.  
There were some dark bruises on his face, covering up a big part of his cheek, and a nasty gash lined over his forehead. Dean couldn’t see the rest of his body, but the bruises and cuts trailing down into his hospital gown said enough. Dean felt nauseous and his hands were trembling as he walked towards the bed.  
He grabbed Cas’ hand and held him tightly, closing his eyes for a brief moment.  
Please. Cas.

“Are you Dean Winchester?” The voice startled Dean, and he spun around. A woman was standing in the door opening, Sam in her tracks, holding a clipboard.  
She held out her hand.  
“Hi, I’m doctor Swann. I’m taking care of Castiel.”  
“Cas,” Dean said automatically, shaking her hand.  
She smiled at him. “Cas. Well, I must say- he scared us all! But I got a lot of hope for him to come out just fine. He’s a fighter. Um- He’s got a few broken bones, ankle, wrist and ribs, and of course a fractured hip- se he’ll be immobile for a while. But if he takes it easy, then they won’t cause him any problems afterwards.”  
“But he’s still comatose?” Sam cut in.  
Her smile faltered a little. “Yes. So we don’t know about his mental health yet- but we expect him to wake up soon, so then we can say more about it.”  
“Okay. Thank you,” Sam said, as Dean had already turned back to the bed, running his thumb over the dark shadows on Cas’ cheek.  
“Dean? I’m going to get a coffee. I’ll be right back.” Sam put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You okay?”  
“Yeah,” Dean said, sounding not okay.  
Sam left to get his coffee, and Dean sunk down in the chair next to Cas’ bed, still holding his hand.

“Cas?” A part of Dean felt stupid for talking to someone who probably couldn’t hear him, but he needed to get some words of his heart.  
“Fuck, Cas- I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” Dean closed his eyes.  
“I was confused, and scared- and I shut you out. And now you’re here, like this-“ Dean’s let out a shaky breath. He needed to redeem himself.  
“Come back to us. To me. Please. I swear- you can kiss me whenever you want. Wherever. Whatever. Cause God, Cas- you’re my best friend. You’re more, you’re much, much more- and I love you and that’s all that matters.” He surprised himself with how true those words were. 

“Is that a promise?”  
Dean froze, looking wide eyed at the man in front of him. Cas’ lips had barely moved as he mumbled those words.  
“Cas?”  
Cas’ eyelashes fluttered before he slowly opened his eyes. He looked more tired than ever, but managed to put on a smile as bright blue met green.  
“Dean.”  
He let out a soft groan.  
“I feel terrible. What happened?”  
“You had a car accident, man. A hedgehog? Really?” Dean let out a shaky laugh.  
“It was a pinecone, Dean,” Cas murmured.  
“Yeah. I know. I’m so sorry, Cas.”  
Cas gave Dean a small smile. “’S okay. You’re ‘ere now.” He closed his eyes, content. “You love me.”  
“Yeah.” Dean laughed, a proper, relieved laugh this time. “I really do.”  
Cas sighed, already starting to fall asleep again, but Dean knew it was okay- Cas was okay.  
“Kiss me.”  
Dean felt his heart warm as Cas whispered those two words, and this time he didn’t hesitate for a second as he leaned in to push his lips onto Cas’.

Sam had just gotten back with his coffee when he stopped in the door opening. Cas and Dean were kissing. Dean had a tender look on his face as he softly pulled away and whispered something to Castiel, making him smile.  
Sam shook his head, laughing to himself. He turned away, giving those two some privacy, but he couldn’t help the wide smile on his face.  
Finally.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make this a quick one-shot but it got pretty big, so I decided to make multiple chapters out of it. Thanks to my beta-buddy Laura for checking this! You're the best. :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
